Six Strategies for Raising Caring Children (and Grandchildren)

Reading the 6 strategies for raising caring children accomplishes more than one goal.  First, you'll find that you already do most of them. That's nice to know!  Second, one or two could be those we feel we need to emphasize.  And third, we can all help our children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews and those young friends we meet to evolve into the caring adults we hope they will become.

Six Strategies for Raising Caring Children Submitted by JNJParents on Mon, 09/29/2014 - 10:00 
­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Raising caring children takes focus and effort on the part of parents. But we’re here to help – with some great tips you can start using today.

If someone were to ask your child what you think is the most important thing for them to be—morally sound or a high achiever—what would your child say in response?

Harvard psychologist Richard Weissbourd, co-founder of the Making Caring Common project, has posed this very question to thousands of children, parents, teachers and coaches through his research.

What he discovered: A pretty significant gap exists between what parents say their top priorities are for children, and what their children perceive these priorities to be.

So what can parents do about it? And perhaps even more notable, why is it important that parents and caretakers make caring a priority? Below, Dr. Weissbourd shares six tips that he views as key “guideposts” to raising caring, respectful, and ethical children.


1.  Lead by example: Children learn ethical values and behaviors by watching our actions and the actions of other adults they respect, so it’s critical for parents to be strong role models and mentors. Doing community service with your child, and/or talking with your child when you make a mistake that affects them are just a couple ways to serve as a strong role model to your kids.

2.  Prioritize caring for others, set high ethical expectations: It’s crucial that children hear from you that caring about others is just as important as their happiness. Parents and caretakers can work toward this by holding children to high ethical expectations, such as honoring their commitments, doing the right thing even when it is difficult, standing up for important principles of fairness and justice, and insisting that they’re respectful, even if it makes them unhappy.

3.  Practice, practice, practice: Becoming a truly “good” person takes practice. Set the expectation that your child routinely helps, for example, with household chores, and only praise uncommon acts of kindness. When these kinds of routine actions are simply expected and not rewarded, they’re more likely to become ingrained.

4.  Work to expand your child’s “circle of concern:” This is one of the most important principles in raising caring children. It’s no surprise that almost all children empathize with and care about their immediate circle of families and friends. Parents and caretakers need to coach children to have empathy and care about someone outside that circle—such as a new child in class, someone who is unpopular, doesn’t speak their language, the school custodian, or someone who lives in a distant country.

5.  Harness your child’s natural inclination to be a force for good: Children are inherently interested in ethical questions and they often want to take leadership to improve their communities—they want to be forces of good. Parents and caretakers have the innate ability and opportunity to help children become ethical thinkers and leaders by, for example, listening to and helping them think through their ethical dilemmas, such as “Should I invite a new neighbor to my birthday party when my best friend doesn’t like her?”

6.  Teach your child how to manage their feelings: Often the ability to care for others is overwhelmed by anger, shame, envy, or other negative feelings. It’s important for parents and caretakers to be in tune with why their child is not being kind, and identify the root of the problem. Practice with your child how to resolve conflicts in a constructive manner.

Why is it so important to prioritize caring?

According to Weissbourd, “We’ve seen a shift in our child raising culture in recent years that puts a huge emphasis on how a child is feeling, rather than providing the child with the right guidance to be ethical. I’m not dismissing feelings, or achievement as being unimportant. However, when children do not prioritize caring and fairness in relation to their self-concerns…there is a lower bar for many forms of harmful behavior, including cruelty, disrespect, dishonesty, and cheating. As parents and caretakers, we have a unique opportunity to work closely with our children to ensure that they are prioritizing and embodying the qualities we most value.”

For more information about Dr. Weissbourd’s research, check out the Making Caring Common website.