Tuesday, March 9, 2010

The Signal That You've Been Together Too Long


One of the perks of managing a blog is that important people in my life send me all kinds of information and stories or anecdotes to post.  Joan H. for forwarding this bit of humor for the day.

*The Black Bra*

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels, and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:

The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos, and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress:

Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes.. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble, and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:

When my husband came home, I was wearing the black bra, black stockings,stilettos and a mask over my eyes.When he came in the door and saw me he said, "What's for dinner, Batman?"

(Thanks to Joan H. for forwarding this to us.)

Finally! Time to Read: Michael Palmer's THE SECOND OPINION

For those of us familiar with Palmer's previous novels, The Second Opinion (2009) will bring us to familiar territory:  the medical world of Boston, its hospitals, surgeons, and mysteries, manipulations, and secret agendas cropping up within this very specialized community.

But this novel is unique because the author draws on his family's experiences with Asperger Syndrome.  The Palmer's son, now 18, was diagnosed at the age of 4 and is, in Palmer's words, "a joy to be around and who has a boundless future." Thus, the author's deeply personal knowledge of the disorder contributes to his characterization of Thea Sperelakis, an  adult AS who is also a brilliant doctor with Doctors Without Borders. She is called home when her father, a famous diagnostic physician, lies in a coma after being struck by a hit-and-run driver.

As she tries to help her father and unravel the mystery surrounding his accident, she also puzzles through the implications of another patient, Hayley Long, who has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. A contract killer, the complications of two brothers and a sister with their own agendas, and Thea's constant effort to read motives, manipulation, and misdirection by those around her give this novel a depth that this reader has not seen before in the Palmer medical mysteries.

Questions about Asperger Syndrome arise as the reader compares Thea's fictional  reactions and struggles to those of other adults who cope with the same disorder in our real world .  As a postscript to the novel, Palmer provides answers to many questions that we have about Asperger's and the bright, wonderful people who cope with its challenges while accomplishing  many wonderful things in life.

Friday, February 12, 2010

A Warning to Men: Be Grateful; Be Very Grateful- for the Mature, Loving, Understanding and Reasonable Woman


A Warning to all men with "mature" wives at this most loving time of year.  One man reflects on his 41-year marriage and receives the following carefully reasoned reply:

Older Women Are So Reasonable.

After being married for 41 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "41 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slepton a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV. But I got tosleep every night with a hot 25 year old girl."

Now I have a $1,000,000.00 home, a $45,000.00 car, a nice big bed and an LCD High Defintion TV. But I'm sleeping with a 64 year old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed
and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crises.

( Quoted from email forwarded from Joan H.  Thanks,Joan H., for sharing this little warning.)

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

A Warning to Men as Valentine's Day Approaches

Careful with your answers, Walter!

You'll know that the spark is definitely out of your relationship if your partner answers, "What is your partner's favorite flower?" with a response like the one below.

Walter, and all men, need to remember that celibacy can be an individual choice or it can be "a condition imposed by circumstances."

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Walter and his wife,
Mildred, listened to
the instructor declare, 'It is essential that husbands
and wives know the
things that are important to each other.."

He then addressed the men,
'Can you name and describe your wife's favorite
flower?'

Walter leaned over, touched Mildreds arm gently, and
whispered, 'Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?'  And thus began Walter's life of celibacy.........

Happy Valentine's Day, Everyone!

(Thanks to Rachel M. for this and to Barb L. for forwarding it to us.)

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Grandma Alert: Children See Us and the World in Unique Ways


It's always fun to realize the way a child has interpreted something we've said, a question we've answered, even the way we look with or without our glasses. 

Whether we have grandchildren or not, we can relate to the adult's surprise when a child comes out with something we would never have expected.  It can usually make us laugh or sometimes sadden our day.  Always it twists the heart.  Thanks to Tom  for forwarding this today.

(My personal favorites are #s 2,9, and 14!)

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under  the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

 3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"


4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

 5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.

 6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

 7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these, yourself!"

 8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."


 9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised, "mine says I'm 4 to 6."

10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a littlesurprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said,"How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

 11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.The children started discussing the dog's duties."They use him to keep crowds back," said one child." No," said another. "He's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

 13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived."Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her.. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."


14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good, good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.

(Source Unknown)

Monday, January 25, 2010

My Truly Evil Sister (or) The Lure of the Most Dangerous Chocolate Cake


Sisters are wonderful people, right?  Well...yes, most of the time, but on occasion, they can be truly evil. 

How about the time when the unsuspecting little girl had the right side of her hair buzz cut and the left side hacked like shingles nailed on by an inebriated roofer.  Who did that? Her sometimes-evil sister, of course. 

And what about those bus trips into town on piano-lesson day? While the younger sister trudges up to the door of the piano teacher and explains that her sister just can't make it today, her evil sib is downtown spending her music lesson money .  That's evil, right? 

And the very unforgivable evil is that the sometimes -evil sister is aging much, much better than her sweet  sister. Grrrr!

 So it shouldn't surprise anyone that Sometimes Evil Sister is again on the loose-this time tempting me to pack on more pounds with a treat that no sister can possibly pass up: Chocolate cake made in a mug-in the microwave-in 5 minutes. Now how can I resist that?  Great baker that she is, famous for berry pies and all kinds of wonderful meals, she knows the secret that her sister, the terrible cook with plants on the stove, tries to keep under wraps: little sister does use the microwave.
So... she passed this recipe on to me.

5 MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE*
4 tablespoons flour
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
A small splash of vanilla extract
1 large coffee mug (MicroSafe)

Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly.
Pour in the milk and oil and mix well..
Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract, and mix again.
Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts.
The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed!
Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.

EAT ! (this can serve 2 if you want to feel slightly more virtuous).

*And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world?*
Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time
of the day or night!



Hmmm...I can salve my conscience a little by topping this wonderful, luscious, fattening dessert with nonfat frozen yogurt.  That's what I'll do.  Ha!  And what do I have to say to you,  Sometimes Evil Sister???

MMM...YUM! THANK YOU!  THANK YOU!  A THOUSAND TIMES THANK YOU!

Our thanks again to Joan H. for this great recipe.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

For All Who Have Lost Jobs in the Recession or Who Know Those Who Have


Most of us know of people who have lost their jobs due to the recession.  Bankruptcy seems to be the word in every newspaper's headlines. 

Although the experience is wrenching and frightening, it can also bring about experiences to laugh at.

The middle-aged man looking for another job is spending much of his day job hunting.  He's also faced with spending some of his day doing what he may never have done before:  Housework!  Hilarious...and worth passing on.  See http://whathappened-chris.blogspot.com/.  Please pass it on.   Thanks!